I’m not sure what happened, but this blog is suddenly popular again. Welcome. I dropped this blog mainly because life, but I can get y’all all caught up with this long story short:
- I finished up that stellar internship without getting fired.
- I rounded out my final year in college with all A’s and regular margaritas.
- I interviewed for a company that took me to lunch, where everyone got drunk.
- I knew I found my future professional home and agreed to the job.
- I packed all my shit into a car and moved to a city where I knew literally no one.
- I spend most of my afternoons on this rigorous drinking schedule:
- Monday: bar trivia and beer
- Tuesday: bar trivia and beer
- Wednesday: my night off, water
- Thursday: bar poker and dancing in the club (all alcohols welcome)
- Friday: float day, DIY drinking plans
- Saturday: dance club
- Sunday: GAME OF THRONES
If anyone’s interested in my last few months, I’ve been blogging about how to lose weight without giving up alcohol.
Spoiler Alert: you don’t.
We had a social with KA last night!
Pregame highlights: Called everyone and told them to come play. The KA president is under the impression that my FWB is my boyfriend. Drank my rum because the jungle juice was black and I wasn’t interested in a vodka mix. I brought a green horn, but we mostly used it in a funnel-fashion.
Our pregame was huge when we got a call that security was on the way. So we moved the party to the fraternity house. Then we moved it to our final destination. The lights were killer, the DJ was amazing, and the brothers were really fun! I met a lot of them.
I danced around with my FWB. Stole some shamrock-shaped glasses. Requested some songs. Danced with a ton of the brothers. Ventured home for shots. Was one of the last to leave.
Went to KS. Felt weird. Went to DS. Felt weird. Stood outside of Pike. Felt weird. Went home. Felt right.
Ate some microwaved food while sitting on the floor.
Showered and got a FWB call: “Wanna head back out to a party?” Not particularly. TURN DOWN FOR BED.
Got a FWB call at 4:30am. “Can you let me in?”
He stripped down to nothing and proceeded to throw up in the sink. Nevermind the fact that the toilet was 3 feet away. Too convenient.
Got to bed around 5:30. Had to wake up for a class project at 8:00. Bueno.
Found out the next day that he partook in some drugs and took someones keys because he thought they were mine.
So instead of sticking around my normal stomping grounds, a friend and I roadtripped to VT for a night. We gossiped about fraternity boys and bitches and hoes. I DJed the experience.
We got cookout and Bacardi then headed to their house.
Let me paint this picture for you: It was a house full of ROTC guys. So they’re all attractive and fun. I narrowed my sights on one in particular and made my moves. By midnight, we were shenaniganing. He was an impressive individual. I chose wisely.
It was a monumental night for me because I shotgunned my first beer. And apparently I did it like a champ. Go me.
I danced on a cooler and somehow ended up with a massive bruise on my leg. I got hazed. I learned fun new terms, like Frago. I had pillowtalk till about 5 in the morning. Who needs sleep?
The next day, we piled 8 people into one mini SUV and drove to IHOP. My guy from last night acted as my seatbelt. We had a stellar breakfast experience then roadtripped back to the mothership.
It was a fun change of pace.
Let me paint this picture for you: Margarita Monday – awkward dinner as the only female in a bunch of KAs. Spilled a little in my lap to make things more awkward than they already were.
Got drunk. Got home. Set an alarm for 2am. Slept. Woke up and hopped into my car.
Ripped the KS flag off their house and hung it up on my wall at home.
Went back to bed.
Still questioning my life choices. Is YOLO considered a motivation?
So many people don’t know how to make a toga. Shame on y’all.
1) Find 2 belts and a bed sheet of your choice. One should be toga-relevant. The other one doesn’t matter.
2) Fold sheet hotdog style.
3) Place belt inside, in the fold.
4) Belt it one-shoulder style.
5) Rearrange fabric so it’s evenly dispersed.
6) Belt other belt around your waist to give your body some shape.
So I started my Saturday with that process. Made an 8-shot drink. Downed it. Grabbed 2 cups of juice when I got to our social with KS. Poor choices. YOLO.
Tried to target el presidente. Then went for my ex. Avoided the phone calls from my regular, hoping for variety. Apparently he threw up on himself and was broadcasting an SOS. My bad.
Had what was surely an exciting, intelligent conversation with the brothers outside on sober duty. El oh el.
Decided I was too drunk for life and went home to snuggle with my pillows.
Drunk-buzzed till 3 the next day. Enjoyed the moment at Olive Garden with my partner in crime, her other half, and my regular. We plotted an epic 3 en la manana capture the flag event to be executed in the upcoming days. KS is going to hate us.
Updates to follow.
My sorority’s formal was Friday!
Drank in the shower, smeared on a cake of hoe-makeup, glued on some false lashes, tracked down my regular, and stepped into some 5-inch heels. Ready to go.
Danced (grinded), chowed down on meatballs, peed way too many times, took so many pictures I don’t recall.
Got back to campus, shenaniganed in the shower with my date. Passed out.
Woke up at 6:30 to film a school project. Definitely still drunk. I didn’t even lose the fancy Canon I brought. Most excellent.
So after a romantic dinner date at BWW with my FWB, we got a sudden text proclaiming a date party. Something along the lines of zip tie handcuffs and a fifth. Sounds like my kind of affair.
Since it was barely past 9, the ABC store was closed. I couldn’t get something reasonable, so I went for my fifth of 151 rum. Poor choice even if it was already half gone.
Arrived to the party scene, zip tied, stole a chaser. Champed that 151. Made comments about wanting to set it on fire. Glowed.
Left the party for beer. Threw up in a parking lot. FWB took me home. Hooked up all over the place, including the shower. Ended up being the drunk crying girl, but FWB pulled me back together. I think. Didn’t sleep till 5 en la mañana.
Finding my clothes this morning was like a scavenger hunt.
I’m exhausted and still slightly drunk, but today is big/little reveal so napping isn’t really an option. Damn.
In honor of the Olympics and the snow that’s carpeting our campus, a fraternity built an actual snow luge. It took them all day and it was totally worth the anticipation.
Mentally prepared with Bacardi and flip cup. Champed it as always. Snow luged for a bit. It was cold, but whatever. That’s what drunk is for.
Ended up in KS. Preached to my future grand little about the importance of “playing the game.” Displaying eagerness and following him around the frat house is not the key, but glances across the room, dancing with sisters, and continuously sipping liquid confidence is. Gotta reel em in with confidence. Stay classy, ladies.
Played the game to be a true role model. Left with my ex 15 minutes later. Winner. Jesus, I miss him. He’s the best big spoon.